Finding the Right Words and Navigating Themes for Poetry at a Father’s Funeral

If you want to write poetry for your father’s funeral, but don’t know where to start, we offer a few themes that may prompt you in the right direction. Some moments change us forever, and losing a father is one such life-altering event. Choosing the right words and topic can be overwhelming, and honouring the memory of someone so close may be challenging when you aren’t sure of the right words. At the AVBOB Poetry Project, we aim to give a platform to poets with something profound to share, and we believe that every voice should be heard. Poetry is also a powerful medium that can help you work through some complex emotions and comfort you during your time of mourning. For these reasons, we are here to help you with tips on expressing yourself and choosing some themes to help you get going.

Poetry That Celebrates Father Figures and Role Models

Whether you are writing a funeral poem for a father, father figure, or role model who played a significant part in your life, an excellent place to start is with the qualities that made him special. It could be his kindness, wisdom, sense of humour, or strength – you will surely find a few aspects that will evoke special memories when mentioned. You can use your poem to illustrate to the audience his meaningful impact and legacy in the world, as well as why he meant so much to you. While not everyone has a straightforward or perfect relationship with their fathers, you can choose to focus on aspects that help you work through your emotions.

Sacrifice and Selflessness

Father figures are often characterised by their hard work and sacrifice, and if this is your experience of your father, you can use it as a central theme in your poetry. In his poem “Those Winter Sundays”, Robert Hayden uses his verses to highlight the lengths his father went to in order to care for his family. The final lines depict the speaker who, as a child, was ignorant of all the sacrifices his father had to make because he didn’t yet understand what it meant to love and provide for a family:

“Speaking indifferently to him,
who had driven out the cold
and polished my good shoes as well.
What did I know, what did I know
of love’s austere and lonely offices?”

Protection and Security

Families often consider fathers a pillar of strength and a shield in times of need. If you felt a sense of security, comfort, and safety in the presence of your dad, then this is a theme you can incorporate. Think about how he acted as a guardian and offered reassurance when you were afraid or uncertain.

Growing Up and Getting Older

As we age, our paternal figures transition from just “dads” to mentors and friends too, there to walk alongside their children and navigate life’s challenges. Changes and growth are interesting themes to use, as you can document how your relationship evolved over time and the transformation in your journey together.

Traditions, Culture, and Heritage

Our parents play a significant role in our identity and connect us to our heritage. Your family’s culture and traditions might live on through you in many ways, which is part of your parents’ legacy. In your funeral poetry, you can pay homage to your father’s roots and the generational gifts he gave you as his heir.

Loss and the Absence of a Father

Elegies typically centre around loss and grief; in your poem, you can focus on the void left behind when a father dies. Using your piece to express your sorrow, anger, confusion, or any of the complex emotions you are facing is encouraged. You can also explore the idea that while your father may be gone, part of him lives on in other ways, such as the lessons he taught, the insight and wisdom he imparted, and the values you inherited from him.

Grief is simply a sign that you continue to love someone who has passed on and dearly miss their presence. Whichever direction you choose with your poetry about this grief, use it as an opportunity for catharsis and introspection. If you would like to read some poetry centred around loss, our library contains thousands of profound poems from all over South Africa, and it is our hope they bring you comfort and inspiration.